Wandering.
In my thoughts as usual, of course.
realize that on Thursday I graduate. Among very little, in 4 days.
think of the early universities still do not believe. I think of all the times that I was on the verge of giving up everything because "no, I can not" because I looked like a goal too far for me. And now missing four days. 12 minutes of discussion to end this adventure. I vaguely
salt that feeling of excitement that grips your stomach and you will create a vacuum. That sometimes I think it's almost just the fear of seeing the end it all rather than having to deal with the question before the commission.
On the other hand have not yet integrated into the new university. The course is fantastic (although I'm already thinking that I had thrown in something bigger than me having my exams in English and the well-known antagonistic relationship with MISUSE language, but I will have time to start banging my head on the wall in January ), but it is not "my" university is not "my" people, there is no "my" pace. It will matter to pass the time? Likely, the fact is that I feel totally out of place.
Then this is the period of change: a new university, new home and then new way of living. And finally, new awareness. I wrote my thesis on Martial Arts has made me think even more about what it means to practice. The new school and my new companions, my new family, made me realize even more how deep rooted in me this "love" and every day that passes more and more media and what I do not speak only of the time I dedicate this that has become a fixed appointment virtually every night (and I stress this not as an obligation in any way), it is natural for me now leave in the morning with my bag and I feel bad if for some reason i start with a shoulder strap normal for a few appointments because I can not get there in time to training and are then forced to skip it. It is now a necessity, not my physical ask me, is my mind, I could almost say my heart. I have to practice.
The interviews for the thesis helped me to know my teammates, to see with their own eyes what I see and I know they are not alone, but also made me reflect on some aspects of practice that perhaps had left there on the edge and now, instead, become central in my thoughts. To improve myself to be better for others.
If only I could bring here the whole chapter on research carried out just to read to you the fragments of the interviews and give you a piece of my world, this amazing world that martial arts and many times I tried to explain ( especially in the old blog) certainly not succeeding at all. I want to give to those who practice a different view of things and I do not pretend to say that this world is better than others, I would not, but certainly for me is different, "other." When I do something in the real world I do it first as a trainee and then as an inhabitant of reality. I feel almost silly to say.
Family, Commitment, Learning, Discipline, Devotion, Passion, Sacrifice, Completeness. This is my world.
So it is time to put aside the fear. The fear of anything: the change of the end of a cycle of not succeeding in the new, of not being enough.
Enough.
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